He’s WAY more into me than I am into him…
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It’s Dear Kelli Friday at Dating and Mating in America. A friend of mine sent this to me for thoughts:
A friend of mine went on a first date with a guy whom she met last week. When they met, she really liked him. When they went out, the guy went a little overboard, saying that he found her gorgeous, some of the normal things she did was sexy, etc. She is willing to go out with him on a second date, but needs the guy to chill and be himself so she can have a better idea as to what relationship she might be in. I asked how her date went, and she responded with the following email:
“It was fine. Not amazing, but fine. He’s definitely wayyyyyyyyy more into me than vice versa. Which is, I’ll admit, a little off-putting. And makes me feel really arrogant to say that when it’s so misplaced, but whatever.
I’ll go on a second to see if he’s cooler when he chills out a bit. Granted, it’s a better problem to have than the whole “he’s just not that into you” thing, but still…if he doesn’t normalize, I’m so done!”
Ah, the old inequitable interest snafu. Let’s be real for a minute… if you think the guy or girl is ALL THAT you are completely charmed by them being charmed by you. I’m talking “all that” in the he/she makes you sweat just by walking in the room or talking on the phone or texting, emailing, whatever. The thought of the other person makes your insides turn to jello.
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Unfortunately, not many of us walk around in a state of butt wiggling excitement for every guy or girl we come across (our butts would be very toned if that was the case.) Most potential interests fall into the,”let’s see how things go” category. You are enthused enough to go out with this person, perhaps multiple times, but if the interest seems uneven, it swiftly sinks the ship of interest for the less “into it” person. Take, for example, the email above. She was excited until he started showing an interest that was unequal to hers. I’m sure her body language was screaming at him to chill out and he made the classic mistake of not reading his audience.
Are you sitting here thinking “well, how in the world am I SUPPOSED to act?” Or “Man, some women are NEVER happy!” Hold on and think for a minute how you would feel if you went out with someone who started acting like the kind of puppy dog that gets so excited when it sees you, that it pees on the floor every time you walk in the room. You spend much of your time around that dog cringing in anticipation of the pee wiggle. That’s exactly how many men and women feel when they are with someone who misses the signals of “wait and see.”
So, what do you do when you know you are in the “wait and see” category but REALLY like the person you are with?
Why you don’t want to puppy dog a woman? Just like our emailer, most women will shut down. Yes, interest is great and we love to hear that you appreciate something unique about us, but if its so overwhelming that we feel like we can’t even get to the real deal under all the flattery… we wonder if we are dining with a con artist, hopeless romantic or socially inept dater. Yes, I just lumped all of those into the same category. So, don’t fall into it!
How a man typically reacts? One of two ways:
It triggers the ego and they love the stroking. But there is no attempt to get to know the woman behind the flattery. You might become a “stringer” — one of the women he spends time with occasionally to build up the ego. Or, he reacts like a woman typically does and get exasperated by the overblown attention.
What do you do if you are on a date with or being asked out again by one of these types? I’d be honest and tell them that while you love the attention and compliments, you’d really like a chance to get to know them as a person. But if you reacted with complete disinterest to their flattery the first time around, do both of you a favor and decline. Let them wiggle on to the next person.
As a side note: An astute dater will ask themselves how long the other person can sustain the “good behavior” that typically comes with the first 3 months of dating. If the good behavior is through the roof unrealistic, the greater the fall when things normalize. But if it starts out gentle and interesting and then grows, it actually works better for a long term match since both daters feel like the trend is going up instead of down or spiking up and down.
A friend of mine went on a first date with a guy whom she met last week. When they met, she really liked him. When they went out, the guy went a little overboard, saying that he found her gorgeous, some of the normal things she did was sexy, etc. She is willing to go out with him on a second date, but needs the guy to chill and be himself so she can have a better idea as to what relationship she might be in. I asked how her date went, and she responded with the following email:
“It was fine. Not amazing, but fine. He’s definitely wayyyyyyyyy more into me than vice versa. Which is, I’ll admit, a little off-putting. And makes me feel really arrogant to say that when it’s so misplaced, but whatever.
I’ll go on a second to see if he’s cooler when he chills out a bit. Granted, it’s a better problem to have than the whole “he’s just not that into you” thing, but still…if he doesn’t normalize, I’m so done!”
Ah, the old inequitable interest snafu. Let’s be real for a minute… if you think the guy or girl is ALL THAT you are completely charmed by them being charmed by you. I’m talking “all that” in the he/she makes you sweat just by walking in the room or talking on the phone or texting, emailing, whatever. The thought of the other person makes your insides turn to jello.
Looking For Free Online Dating? Try Loveawake:
Argentinian Free Dating | Brazilian Dating | Free Online Dating in Sweden | Finland Dating Services | 100% Free Online Dating In India | Indonesian Dating Personals
Unfortunately, not many of us walk around in a state of butt wiggling excitement for every guy or girl we come across (our butts would be very toned if that was the case.) Most potential interests fall into the,”let’s see how things go” category. You are enthused enough to go out with this person, perhaps multiple times, but if the interest seems uneven, it swiftly sinks the ship of interest for the less “into it” person. Take, for example, the email above. She was excited until he started showing an interest that was unequal to hers. I’m sure her body language was screaming at him to chill out and he made the classic mistake of not reading his audience.
Are you sitting here thinking “well, how in the world am I SUPPOSED to act?” Or “Man, some women are NEVER happy!” Hold on and think for a minute how you would feel if you went out with someone who started acting like the kind of puppy dog that gets so excited when it sees you, that it pees on the floor every time you walk in the room. You spend much of your time around that dog cringing in anticipation of the pee wiggle. That’s exactly how many men and women feel when they are with someone who misses the signals of “wait and see.”
So, what do you do when you know you are in the “wait and see” category but REALLY like the person you are with?
- Take a minute to relax and observe. Are you just excited because they finally said yes to a date? Are you reacting to hormones? Or are you really taking a look at this person for who they are? If you decide you do really like them… keep it together, take a deep breath and…
- Read my post on body language => https://blog.loveawake.com/2019/08/20/lets-talk-body-language-examples-and-what-they-show/
- If you are in between the good and bad categories, you have a chance. It may help you get into the right frame of mind if you start mimicking the other person’s body language. Not obviously, but enough to revert the interest indicators into a more equitable balance. It will also help the other person feel more comfortable and they might relax enough to get to know you and THEN make a decision instead of over-reacting to your excitement.
- If you start amping up the compliments and touching and they don’t respond… STOP! Don’t accelerate the behavior thinking its going to change their mind.
Why you don’t want to puppy dog a woman? Just like our emailer, most women will shut down. Yes, interest is great and we love to hear that you appreciate something unique about us, but if its so overwhelming that we feel like we can’t even get to the real deal under all the flattery… we wonder if we are dining with a con artist, hopeless romantic or socially inept dater. Yes, I just lumped all of those into the same category. So, don’t fall into it!
How a man typically reacts? One of two ways:
It triggers the ego and they love the stroking. But there is no attempt to get to know the woman behind the flattery. You might become a “stringer” — one of the women he spends time with occasionally to build up the ego. Or, he reacts like a woman typically does and get exasperated by the overblown attention.
What do you do if you are on a date with or being asked out again by one of these types? I’d be honest and tell them that while you love the attention and compliments, you’d really like a chance to get to know them as a person. But if you reacted with complete disinterest to their flattery the first time around, do both of you a favor and decline. Let them wiggle on to the next person.
As a side note: An astute dater will ask themselves how long the other person can sustain the “good behavior” that typically comes with the first 3 months of dating. If the good behavior is through the roof unrealistic, the greater the fall when things normalize. But if it starts out gentle and interesting and then grows, it actually works better for a long term match since both daters feel like the trend is going up instead of down or spiking up and down.
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Début de l'événement
22.04.2024
Fin de l'événement
22.04.2024
